Catch Doing Right

Komal is an intelligent girl. She worked hard for her exams. Today she brought her report card home. 90% in three subjects, 80% in two and 65% in one. Sheepishly she showed it to her parents. "What, ONLY 65% in English! Didn't I tell you to watch less TV". "But Papa….". Komal tried defending in vain. "No Buts!", mother joined in, "This is disgraceful, I knew something like this will come up at the end".

An extreme example, or a common story? Two pointers: One, what happened to the three 90s and two 80s. Does not she deserve an adulation, acclamation and celebration FIRST? Isn't what she achieved more important than what she didn’t achieve. Two, what do you think is going on inside poor Komala's mind.

Since what is below is based on the management theory of 'management-by-walking-around' let me give you an example from an office scenario: 'Suppose you are the boss and you walk into the room of subordinates and see one working hard, and two just chatting. What will you do? Research shows that 80% of all adults will reprimand the chatters in some way'.

However, imagine that you were to go the person who is working diligently and with a huge pat on the back exclaim, "I really like the way you work!" I leave it to your imagination how this will effect all the people in the room including the praised!

Simply put - this is called positive reinforcement - reinforcing behaviour, which is positive so that it is repeated more often. And isn't it simple - just ensure that you actively LOOK FOR your child doing things RIGHT and praise him/ her immediately. Little things here are important.

So, instead of telling on her when she is watching TV, praise her when she is NOT watching TV and actually doing homework. Instead of reminding why his room is always disorderly, acclaim when she actually is cleaning the room. Instead of saying why are you dropping you food outside the plate, commend on wonderful eating habits when the child is doing so.

As humans we remember whatever we are told - so instead of the kid remembering where he was wrong, let him remember where he was right. The logic is evident - concentrate on negatives and you will get more of them. Focus on positives, reinforce them, and you will get more of them. The choice is yours! Look at it this way - If I was digging for gold, then all the mud & muck I remove becomes meaningless, my eyes search only for the gold. Same here - lets ignore the dirt and DIG FOR GOLD - there is lots inside! (no wonder we believe that there is a genie inside every kid).

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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