Freedom

Belief (bi leef') n.
Confidence, conviction in the truth or existence of something not immediately susceptible to rigorous proof.

Beliefs are both expanding as well as limiting. The Problem is not in having beliefs, the problem lies in believing that they are true no matter what. No sooner we question our beliefs; we stop being chained by them.

This is important because beliefs drive our behaviour. We try changing the behaviour for a whole lot of our problems, while what we need to change is the belief.

The classic example is the behaviour of over protection: "Let me help you with this, "let me make this for you" etc. Rooted in the belief that children are SMALL and hence they need our protection and help for everything. Also the belief that this is the parent's role. Its time we believed that our self worth as parent lies not in children saying, "I need you", but in saying,
"You made me self reliant."
Lets learn from a shepherd, he just prods the sheep with words of encouragement, his presence and shows them general direction. He doesn't dictate how much to grass to eat, which to eat or where to step.

Another common belief is that only if my child gets good marks or comes first in class he is worthwhile. This leads to us constantly getting behind children to score marks, creating tension for them before an examination, making their life stressed via tutions, restrictions on play and other activities.

Related belief is that in order to be happy and successful we need to be better then others. Consequently, we compare and then push our children at every stage. They withdraw or rebel, mostly to no avail.

Similarly, beliefs like maths & science are difficult subjects (are subjects difficult or the way they are being taught?); Beliefs like my child does silly mistakes (we all do mistakes; and no mistake is silly if we learn from it).

Inside home, too beliefs abound. Right from "children don’t eat nutritious food" (did you when you were a child) or they do not eat enough (do they remain hungry?). They watch too much TV (what about you yourself, and do they have exciting alternatives), they are careless with things (what about his favourite car), they are rude (watch you own language) et al.

When it comes to teenagers, beliefs swarm our attitude towards them. They are rude, they have no respect for elders, they dress horribly, they listen to bad music, they are hedonist, they are in bad company …… the list is endless.

Next time you desire a behavioural change in your child, pause, don’t act. Think "Is my behaviour rooted in some belief. What if I question the belief? What if it is atleast partially untrue?.

An example – do you believe that heavy metal music that your teen listens to is crap, “Music of our times was so sweet, this sounds horrible!”

Lets for a moment suspend that belief – since somebody likes it, there must be something nice about it. Maybe you ask your child or any teenager to take you through a heavy metal music appreciation. Let’s try and genuinely understand what is so nice about it, what meaning do they attach to the lyrics, why are they important.

I am not saying you will necessarily start liking the music. But once the belief is removed, all your and child’s irritable altercations arising out of differences on music will cease.

A flag flutters beautifully only if it is open. So does our mind. Lets feel the fresh air, by cutting these archaic ties.

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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