Me Proud of Me

It was a pretty ordinary moment. My daughters and I were enjoying fresh oranges.
I noticed Emmy cut hers into two horizontal sections - like a grapefruit - instead of
taking out the vertical segments like I always did. She was enjoying the orange to the max,
nibbling it around the edges, slurping from the center, squeezing the juice into her mouth.

I could have berated her for not eating it the "right" way (i.e. my way), or pointed out
how it was easier for juice to drip on her the way she was eating, or I could have just
ignored it altogether.

Instead, I took genuine delight in her creative attack on that orange. I told her
I thought she had a really interesting idea. I asked her where she learned to cut it
like that and would she show me how to do it too?

Could the possibility of a little dribble of orange juice on her shirt ever compare with
the gift of enhanced self-esteem? My reaction to that ordinary event determined which
way Emmy would see the moment and either gain from it or have a little more value
chipped from her soul.

(Adapted from Steven Vannoy's "The ten greatest gift I give my children")

Self validation is at the core of all successful people. If my acceptability lies outside
me, then I have problem. If my acceptability lies inside me, then I have an unending
resource of courage, confidence and positive attitude.

A child who wants to learn how to walk will try and fall and ultimately walk whether
you encourage him or not. A child who wants to make all kinds of sounds will make
them, whether she is responded to or not. An infant believes in himself. She does
not seek approval. Post infancy we start sowing the terrible seed of external validation –
which spreads like hyacinth. Suddenly, you should be liked by others, you
should follow the rules, you should get good marks, you should come first!
The whole idea of success becomes external.

Next time your child gives a good performance, instead of telling her – “hey,
that was great”; ask her, “How do you feel? Which part you enjoyed most?
Where you think you were too good? What makes you feel proud of yourself”?

The more child thinks and fells about his own success, his own achievements,
the more child is creating anchors of confidence and self esteem.
A gold resource for present and future.
Too soon we parents say, “I am proud of you”. Isn’t it more important that the child
should be proud of himself? What is more important for the child – to get a “very good”
from his teacher, or to feel that he wrote his essay beautifully (whether he got the
‘good’ or not).

Lets assume the child has got only 5 out of ten in a ten problem test. Before we go on
to discuss the mistakes, can we ask what he did right, how he did them, what strategies
he used, what part of the test he enjoyed doing, etc.

If the moon were to worry about not having light like the sun, it would wither away.
But the moon loves itself, and hence glows when it is dark everywhere!

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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