Responsible Independent Children

Responsibility educates; Independence inculcates.

This is perhaps the most important principle of Raising Successful Children.

Let me give you a common example I give to many parents. If a child asked you for time what will you do? Well most of us will tell the time. But if a child asked me the time I will ask the child, “Who tells the time?” Invariably the child will say “A watch” or “a Clock.” My next question will lead the child to the closest watch/clock and then will further lead her to see the time all by herself (or if child is small then take her through small hand – big hand etc).

In this almost insignificant interaction we have communicated to child three very significant pointers:

1. The child is independent –She can do things on her own!
   
   
2. The child is responsible for her needs (and hence her actions). I am not going to help her with what she is supposed to do herself – she got to do it herself.
   
   
3. The child is capable - She has the capacity to fulfill her needs (at least most of them).

The best part is that I will repeat this with the child in every interaction I have with the child. The child soon realizes “who is in-charge” – i.e. the child herself and automatically she starts responding to this new autonomy.

Ladies and gentleman, do you want your child to be responsible, independent and of the self belief that she or he is a capable individual? YES – then stop doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. And start giving them opportunities to shoulder more responsibilities, to become more independent and to discover their immense capabilities.

A mother called me that her son lacks self confidence – will Geniekids Success Saturdays program benefit? My reply, “While Geniekids success Saturday program will definitely benefit, what will benefit more are parents who are ready to give their child a chance to be success. Yes, forget giving, we actually often take away chances from children to be independent and responsible. Result: children will less confidence.

• Do you make your seven year old ready for school?
• Do you make your four year old eat meals?
• Do you make your ten year old do his homework?
• Do you give bath to your five year old?
• Do you shop clothes for your thirteen year old?

1. Let the child do his own work. (Read Geniekids newsletter No 56 Making them Responsible? ) For example, if it’s a tussle to get ready in time for school bus – give him an alarm clock and tell him to get ready himself.
   
   
2. Let the child fail. Let the child face the consequences of his actions. Nothing teaches life skills of success better. So, if he gets up late or takes too long – he misses the bus. Let him miss one day, two days, three days – how long he will carry on?
   
   
3. Honour his decisions – no matter what – soon he will learn how to make better decisions. So if he decides to take bath in the night, or wants to eat breakfast in bus – let him try ... soon he will sort it out himself.
   
   
4. Create opportunities for him to take responsibilities. Suggest he carries money while shopping, suggest she takes care of dinner table at a party, suggest he buys the grocery, suggest she stays awake while mother is ill to take care of younger one, suggest he gets draft made from the bank and so on ... when you look at your daily life look for which responsibilities you can give away - we as parents need to learn better delegation.
   
   
5. Let the child fail. And then try again (maybe in a different way) and then maybe fail again and then … finally succeed. Let the child realize that independence means responsibility which is more fun then just independence – simply because of the sense of achievement.

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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