Are you listening?

While watching TV, Daddy is going through newspaper and
mummy is cutting vegetables. Enter kids:
"Mummy, Raju is hitting me."
Mummy: "Raju, Stop it."
"Daddy can I go down and play."
"No."
Mummy can you show me how.."
"Not now, later."

Are we really listening. If your child was playing and you
wanted to talk to them and they continued playing, will you shout,
"STOP PLAYING AND LISTEN TO ME FIRST."
Then why double standards for them?

The two best people who build 80% of self-esteem of any child
are the parents and the single biggest way we can do that is by
TRULY LISTENING.

It seems that listening ought to be the simplest thing to do. It does
not require any special equipment, it can be done anywhere, anyhow, anytime.

Still, True listening is rare. When was the last time you shut off all the
worries regarding your office, all the lists of things you have to do,
the "come-on-hurry-up" feeling and stopped whatever you were doing
and with complete attention said "Yes dear, tell me what you have to say."

I believe it is the BEST GIFT we can give to our children.

If you often complain that 'my child does not listen to me',
chances are that you also don't listen to your child - enough.
Remember we are all starved for attention. Isn't not being heard
one of the most frustrating experiences?

The power of being listened to is almost incomprehensible
While it builds self-esteem and self-confidence, it also builds intelligence.
After all, how can we learn to think if we do not practice? And what better
way to practice thinking than by having someone listen to us when we do so.

Typically, when children come home from school or play or party - we
shower them with a barrage of questions - How was it? Did you enjoy?
How was your test? Are you tired? Who all came?
If the child does not reply in sufficient detail, we crib, "my
child doesn't tell me enough."
However, in the evening, when the child does wants to talk about the events
at school, or the episode at play, all we do is grunt, nod or in extreme
case reprimand, "don't disturb me now!"

Are we really too busy?
Is what you are busy with more important and urgent then your child's need.
If it is not, stop and listen NOW. If it is, say "I know you have something
important to discuss, can we do that after I finish this".
Remember to follow up on your promise.

Lets switch off the TV, turn off the gas stove, close the newspaper or the book,
put the phone off hook, stop the car on the kerb. Lets Listen.

What self esteem we would build if:
Instead of interrupting, we listened to their chain of thoughts
develop them into a sharp, analytical, consummate thinker.
Instead of hurling orders at them, we listened to their reasoning
as to how things can be done.
Instead of slapping punishments, we listened to their idea of
what appropriate consequences might be.
Instead of doing thinking for them, imposing our 'better solutions',
we listened to their own solutions to problems.
Instead of denying their emotions, we listened and gave value to their feelings.

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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