Myth of confidence - 6

I was sitting in the children's park, watching my child tumble over the various play equipments. I was also watching three 5-6 yrs old girls pretend play a family-family game. That's when I overheard the conversation between these girls' mothers:

"I want to put her in a painting class"
"I want a handwriting class, you know any?"
"No I don't, But yesterday I found out a good dance class, only problem is which day I take her to dance?
Yes, dance even I want, instead of wasting their time like this (pointing at the girls playing) at least dance will make her more confident.

"What about Play?" I wanted to butt into their conversation. What about the confidence they are developing right now, absolutely free of cost.

It is surprising that more and more children are being forced into classes after classes, while according to all child development researchers in the last 150 years, free play will make a bigger difference in child's own ability to think, to imagine, to make decisions, to learn and to develop confidence.

Its a myth that just because I am "made to learn something" that will make me more confident. Unless I have the freedom to explore, to think, to express, to make decisions, to make mistakes, its unlikely that I will build confidence.

Three problems with many structured classes is that invariably there are expectations (of performance), there are comparisons (between children and to a benchmark) and there is right and wrong. Each one of these definitely non-conducive to building confidence.

This myth stems possibly from a combination of unawareness, lack of time and some sense of self-inadequacy (which parents often try and fulfill through their children). Result more children are attending structured classes at much lesser age then you can imagine.

Free play in contrast is amazingly effective in building confidence. Let me list five reasons why and also how you can do it.

1. Free Play focuses on thinking, structured learning focuses on knowledge. Allow your child to build his own experiments, do his own cause effect analysis, develop his own mental models.

2. Since Free play does not have any expectations, it is stress free. A whole lot of us actually lose confidence if the pressure of performance is there. See if you can start the children off without an expression of expectation.

3. Free Play is internally motivated compared to structured learning which is typically driven externally. Since children have unlimited internal resources active inside-out play is very empowering. Ensure that with free social play, your child also gets free self play. Both have specific benefits.

4. Free play develops decision making while in structured play most decisions are either pre-made (thats the structure part) or the teacher makes (thats the teaching part). Since decision making is so vital in developing confidence, allow as much of child making decisions in your playtime with the child.

5. In Free play there is no right or wrong. This to me is the biggest reason why I propagate free play as an integral part of confidence development. Simply put, will you thrive in an environment where your mistakes are constantly highlighted? In spite of this realization, most adults when with children are constantly correcting them - specially in a class, where the adult has an additional responsibility of making the child 'learn'. See if you can leave your judgment hat home, when you go out to play with your child.

Add to this list the mega free play killer - TV - which is being variously used as a substitute for relaxation, baby sitting, dinner time discussion, and now even one channel touting itself as pre-school. One reason for TV dominance is that children are not being given enough time, resources and mental space to free play.

My recommendation - Cut out TV and judgment; Involve yourself and go out and enjoy with your child.

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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