Myth: "If a child is not able to do something, is frustrated and wants to give up, he lacks confidence, or is not building confidence".

A boy was giving trial of high jump in his school. His P.T. instructor, having set the 'bar', asked him to take the jump.
The child jumped and failed. He tried again and again tripped the bar. After the third failed attempt, the boy asked, "Sir, can you lower the bar a little?".
His instructor willingly lowered the bar, the child tried and still failed. "A little more lower sir, he requested."
His instructor lowered the bar further, the child tried and still failed. "A little more lower sir, he requested again."
His instructor furthered lowered it, but the boy's attempt still failed. "A little more lower sir, he requested again."
This time the instructor retorted, " Young man, What will you gain by lowering the bar every time?
"Confidence, Sir", pat came the boy's reply.

The question here is "How do you eat an elephant?
"Bite by Bite" - is the answer and nothing could be more important when developing confidence.

In a lot of cases when the child is not able and is frustrated, all that the child needs is the task to be simplified, or broken in smaller tasks or task approached step by step; The child needs a lower bar. The child needs chunking!

Chunking is a process of making the task smaller so that it matches the ability of the child. (similar to how we will break the bread to be eaten into smaller chunks based on the size of mouth).

Two examples to  elaborate.

If I asked you to write an autobiographical essay, most of us feel the task too humongous. However, if I first ask you to list all your achievements, then important milestones in life, then important relationships till date, then likes and dislikes, and so on .... soon the essay will be ready!
 
A lot of parents get irritated when their children make bad decisions (like choosing a dish in a restaurant, or buying a gift etc). They also label children as 'impulsive'.
My contention is that the children are never really exposed to the step by step process of making a good decision. Not surprisingly some of their decisions can be termed as bad. Once children are trained to break the process into manageable steps - their choices improve.

Too many times we as parents and teachers give children tasks or put children into situations which are bigger than their abilities. Not surprisingly they show lack of confidence. The moment we see frustration or reluctance, we should realize that the child needs the task to be chunked down into smaller, manageable pieces or steps. And surely the child's confidence in her ability would start growing.

Growth of confidence, then is a step by step process, where each step itself gives a shot of confidence. Erik Erikson, the famed development psychologist, elaborated the stages of a child's social and emotional development and the importance of each step. Do join us this Saturday for a workshop on his learnings and how we can ensure a comprehensive development for our child.