Your child is Special

I’m that kid on every playground
Who is always chosen last….
You don’t have to be my friend
If it’s too much to ask

Don’t laugh at me, don’t call me names
Don’t get your pleasure from my pain
In God’s eyes we’re all the same
Some day we’ll all have perfect wings

Each child is special. Each child is different. Understanding this fact and then implementing various approaches to accommodate these differences and develop them are the corner stone of great parenting. The ensuing article while originally written for children with some developmental disability, is equally applicable for all children. For each child has his or her own set of unique strengths as well as limitations. And often we ask – What can be done to help? What will the future bring? What do I do now?

It is important to recognize that whatever label you attached to your child (say naughty, shy etc), behaviors can be broken down into very specific components. Once you do that, instead of dealing with sweeping generalizations which are unhelpful, you will have identified your concerns for the child in workable terms. Then you are in a position to tackle the problem, instead of getting overwhelmed by the label. To understand your child, look at him from different perspectives. You must learn how to set up successful experiences for your child – how to maximize strengths rather than magnify weaknesses.

As parents, you are in a position to understand, modify and provide for the right nurturing environment.

1. Physical environment: Instead of blaming the child or being constantly tense about the child’s safety and wellbeing, you can make simple but effective changes in the child’s physical environment. This could mean having childproof locks, bolts, raising the walls, enclosing balconies, keeping all sharp, dangerous and fragile objects out of sight. Very often, children are impulsive and do not recognize danger. There is a very real danger of them jumping from heights, hurting themselves or others, or breaking expensive gadgets. Childproof your home to suit the needs of your child

2. Language environment: With children, it is important to keep instructions specific and simple. Learn to use an effective tone of voice with steady eye contact and direct instruction

3. Emotional environment: Children may have difficulty in understanding their own or others emotional levels and expectations. You may have to clarify their feelings and your own too. Being calm and organized will help your child immensely.

4. Social environment: Your child may have a problem in getting along with other children. Think of children in the vicinity or your social circle who can socialize with your child to his benefit. This would include children with better social skills, able to empathize and play with your child. Avoid children who are aggressive or excessively dominating.

5. Play environment: Depending on the age and abilities of the child, play therapy can be successfully used to train and improve your child’s abilities. In fact the whole thrust of Early Intervention and Stimulation for children with developmental disabilities is based on this premise. Play is a natural medium for children to enjoy themselves and feel competent. This is a prerequisite to learning. When children experience a sense of mastery and achievement in a non-threatening environment such as that provided through play, it makes them better learners. The young brain adapts itself to changes in the environment and can change in structure and function for better growth.

Research with rats reared in complex and stimulating environments resulted not only in increased brain mass, but in more neural connections. A better connected brain results in better functioning. With children too, it has been proved that if there are areas in the brain which are not functioning normally, the remaining parts of the brain can be made to take over those functions, provided adequate and appropriate stimulation is given. This is possible in children because the young child’s brain is still in a state of maturation.

Childhood is the critical period for learning in one’s life, and learning through play is as natural as breathing to the child.

For example, because of weak conduction visual pathways a child may not be able to fixate or track visually, in spite of adequate ophthalmic physiology. In such cases, hanging visually attractive toys above the baby’s crib, or holding black and white pictures above him are helpful, also looking directly in the baby’s face and talking to him.

For developing hearing sensory ability, talking, singing to them, musical toys and chimes are useful. Textured materials, rattles, hand-held objects are useful in promoting hand grip and fine motor coordination. Musical toys like drums, piano, xylophone and 2 handed toys and activities promote eye hand coordination. With older children, dolls, toys and fantasy play help resolve their conflicts. Using dolls and toys to enable children to understand dangers, ways of avoiding them and promote socialization skills are extremely useful.

Rhymes, stories and songs may be used to teach concepts and social rules. Group games like running and catching, blind man’s bluff, tag and individual games like swimming, running, obstacle race promote motor coordination. Activities like stacking blocks, inserting rings, threading beads, coloring within boundaries promote fine motor coordination as well as concentration.

Clay work, sand and water play and free play facilitate creative thinking which autistic children may lack. Activities like pattern drawing, joining dots, mazes, puzzles are important pre-writing activities which enable children who have difficulty in pencil control to gain proficiency in writing. Spot the difference, matching and discriminating activities, pattern recognition, embedded figures promote reading readiness.

To develop memory, ask the child to recall events, pictures seen and stories told. Identifying changes in room layout, objects displayed require the child to recall the previous arrangement and strengthen memory. Group games promote social skills, children learn to give and take, share and care.

We have a wealth of play materials, activities, games at hand. We live in a community rich in resources. With a little ingenuity and effort, parents can plan intervention strategies for which the rewards are great. With your help your child can compensate for his weakness and succeed in life as a healthy, happy, productive individual.

Dr. Sulata Shenoy is a Consultant Child Psychologist who can be contacted at
Manipal Hospital, Bangalore Ph: 5266441, 5266447 or
Parijma Neurodiagnostic Hospital, Bangalore, Ph: 2243634 or
at her own Child center: Turning Point Child Guidance Centre, Jayanagar, Bangalore Ph: 6636214 or
email at sulatashenoy@hotmail.com