Re: review on HOM session

hmm........ let me try. Its not about what comes first. Even if My thinking abt thinking patterns come later, thats fine, because next time it may be helpful. But yes, If  I want to change the way my thinking pattern works, I need to find out some way so that it becomes part of my subconscious. At such situations like conflicts, I first start thinking on my usual patterns, but again I take a step back and think abt it again.

 

I dont know how to explain. See, I am angry with my husband for something. I even reacted to it negatively. (and may be not expressed it, i directly behaved angrily. )Instead of expressing that I am angry, I showed my anger thru my behavior. And that incidence can keep hurting me for long even after iwhen I am not there with him. But when I think over my thinking, at least the hurt that I feel later is come down drastically.

I am able to talk to him with a fresh mind next time again. I havent succeded in adopting the new pattern quickly, but I am at a point where I look at it after a while and then I am at peace.

 

I hope I tried to clarify what I feel abt this. To me expressing is important. But feeling has to expressed , instead of reacting out of that feeling.

 

On 9/15/07, Suma V <suma_47@yahoo.com> wrote:

Hi kirti,
I've a question here.Anybody please clarify.If everybody ends up in thinking like this, then who is going to start expressing their view first?Then this becomes the chicken or egg problem.
suma

kirti lodhe <amkirti@gmail.com> wrote:

Exploring it more.

 

What was the thinking process when we were doing the agree and disagree exercise .

We were given the oject of listening to other person's point of view.

 

First time round it was my belief that my opinion has a base. Let me checkout  why they dont agree with my opinion. I had a point to prove.

It was like, I know something, I want you to know that first, and make u think on ur opinion after knowing that rather than me thinking over what u know. The objective was totally lost.

 

Somewhere the belief was the person who is talking is greater. He who convinces other is smarter in life.  I wasnt able to see the simple fact that, anyway, I know what I know.

I need to know what they know or think so that I can widen my perspectives of looking at the topic.

I am the one who was going to become rich by listening to others.

or there was strange fear that if u dont remind urself abt what ur opnion is, u may get lost in their thoughts.

 

I was actually thinking in the direction of  conveying my thoughts than listening to other's thoughts.

 

How would my thought process be if it was restructured. Like if it was asked that find out what other person has views abt love marriage ? My opinion is not at all asked . I am rather supposed to understand the other person and represnt him.

 

Now I dont have to prove my opinion becaue I am not agreeing or disagreeing to something.

Its just finding out what other person thinks. It would have been better, because now I am not putting forward my thoughts. Its not about my thoughts at all. In this case, I am more open to listen to other person.

 

** When u want to listen to other person, its not abt what u think, feel. Its all about the other person.

I can always go back and reflect on whatever I listened and then decide to agree or not.

 

**I show different thinking patterns when I am invloved in the conflict (diff of opinion) and when I am just the observer. I am not directly involved in it. I learn more as observer.

 

** may be then I need to change my thinking pattern so that, Even in conflicts, I forget abt myself for a while, understand other person, represent him and learn and then come up with sloution to that conflict. Or may be there would be no more conflict.

 

I would then classify my thinking pattern as

1. Centred only to myself

2. open for myself as well as other person.

3. only abt other person.

 

But I can always first go into 3rd catagory and come back to second one. I think that would be best combination for me to learn more n more and be more productive.

 

I would abstract is as:

Respect other person's thoughts even when u dont agree to enrich urself.

 

If I want do inductive thinking ,

 

A. Me putting just my point forward, causes

1. conflict remains where it was.

2. I fail to learn something new which I could have .

3. I just keep finding reasons to challange what other person is saying.

 

Challenging the new thoughts that u r listening is a very good idea. But listening comes first and then challenging it.

 

Or deductive thinking.

Generalisation : to learn more, u need to empty urself first.

And if applied in this situation, its much easier to understand other person's point of view.

But emptying urself is a task u need to do. Put urself aside for some time.

 

Now I know what thinkin pattern is useful to me in case of conflicts. Let me test it in practical life now.

 

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