Strengths

Hashid came and complained to Rabbi that certain persons were turning night into day playing cards. “That is good” said Rabbi. “Like all people they want to serve God but don’t know how. But now they are learning to stay awake and persist in doing something. When they have become perfect in this, all they need to do is turn to God - and what excellent servants they will make for him then!”

The contention here is that we all operate from our strengths. We all tend to do things that we can naturally do well. Somewhere our stronger resources are always in play. Now if we can just focus on first developing these resources, these strengths, so much so that it becomes my unique set of competencies, then it is only a matter of time that I find the right place to use these strengths.

The context here is that in today’s world, degrees do not matter, experience do not matter, pedigree does not matter - what matters is a unique and highly refined set of abilities. Uniqueness gives us value; refinement makes us more sought after. The more refined our ability set is, the more the value in the market.

Human resource is somewhat like economics. What is the point of opening a wood factory when iron ore is the resource available or vice versa? What is the point of forcing a child to become an expert in science when the child loves music or vice versa? When an economy digs into its own resources it makes itself fundamentally strong.

The key then is natural resources. Yet many parents frequent Geniekids in search of developing what we call as ancillary abilities. All this, while the core strengths are still to be developed fully.

Let me take an example: Almost a half of parents want their children to become ‘less shy’, more social and develop interpersonal skills. Typically these children have what is known as INTRAPERSONAL intelligence – they like to be on their own, typically are profound thinkers, dreamers and philosophers of the world. There are many more positive characteristics associated with this ‘self’ intelligence. Nonetheless, the moot point is why would we like to change or develop what is not natural to them rather than first focusing on developing their Intrapersonal skills.

The trick is to develop and use ones natural strengths to succeed. Too many of us are constantly trying to focus on areas of improvement. While perhaps to achieve maximum results, I need to find the strongest point in me and put the fulcrum there and then leverage that strength.

If I can in someway use my strengths to cover my weaknesses then I have the magic formula. So if I’m not great at interpersonal skills, can I think of strong thoughts and communicate to people, say, by writing. In fact most great authors to start with are not great orators. They just write well and communicate to the world through intrapersonal skills.

Somehow we as parents forget that life is always a trade off – every minute that I spend sharpening the blunt side of my knife I miss out making my naturally cutting side razor sharp. It’s not that we are unaware of our children’s strengths. Its just we don’t have confidence in our children strengths becoming their success competencies. It’s what in another child’s plate that glitters and scares us. Comparison rules our worries, ruins the child’s own dignity, and leads to seesawing between strengths and improvement areas.

Most parents who seek our advice feel it’s very difficult to balance the two. They agree with the principles of strengths on one side but feel on the other side that certain traits are more important in real life. A father had this to say, “All this theory about strengths is fine. My son is quite good in music. But, aren’t there thousands of musicians, but only few A R Rehmans. Music will not easily give him a life full of success”.

He continues, “I too am good at music, but I think it is my IT career that has really made me. In today’s competitive world it’s not practical. Hobby is one thing, career is another”. We think this father is echoing sentiments and opinion of many parents. A whole lot of us are often caught between exploring one’s strengths or molding oneself towards a ‘reasonable career’.

Three points to ponder:

1. Would you rather do what you love or be forced to love what you do? Too many people are stuck in the job they want to get out of – yet too scared to leave because somewhere they did not develop their natural strengths into reliable competencies. Yet fortunately in today’s world there are enough examples of people following their ‘heart’ and not only enjoying what they do, but a decent living out of it. (Yours truly is one such example)
2. While I do agree there are only a few Rehamns and Tendulkars – but then if each parent had decided on this path of ‘safe’ career then we would have had no Rehmans and Tendulkars. The focus on strengths makes the meaningful difference.
3. The bigger point is what our objective is, as parents – is it to prepare my child for a ‘safe’ career or to give exposures in such a way that the child is able to venture out into whichever profession appeals to the child.
Should I train the fledgling to fly better or put her into a greener (looking) pasture? The trouble really is pasture of today may not be pasture of tomorrow. But stronger flying or stronger wings will definitely make me find a greener pasture anytime.

The trick then for us as parents is to discover and develop our child’s potential – the unique force inside our child. Then leave it for the child to decide how he or she wants to use the potential.
How do we do that? Let me offer you the five ‘A’s of building strength:

ASK your child. What do you think are your strengths, greatest attributes etc? What do you like to do most? What do you find easy to do or can do best? What kinds of things give you a real kick or motivate you? What others’ (teachers, friends, etc) find you exceptionally good at?
We are not trying to say that the parents can’t observe strengths, but then it is perhaps more important to involve the child’s point of view. Ask these kinds of questions frequently. It doesn’t matter if the child is not able to respond concretely. The asking of questions will invariably make the child focus on his or her strengths. It will also make you more consciously watch out for child’s strengths.

Force your child to APPLY his or her strengths. If your child is good at art make the child make every greeting card in the house If your child is good at speaking, make him present as many points to others .If your child is good at thinking, give all problem solving situations to her. If your child is good at X, let her alphabets start not with 'A' but with 'X'!
Additionally encourage your child to seek out such opportunities. Try: "In what way can you apply/ use your strengths (preferably say out the strengths here) today"? "In what way can you use your (strengths) in doing this"?

ACHIEVE through strength. We know it’s a ‘strength’ if that is what leads to achievement. Encourage your child to ‘achieve’ through strengths by designing opportunities to do so. Please do not confuse achievement by competitions. We are suggesting give tasks little-out-of-child’s-reach, which specifically require her to use her strengths. Try: "How can you achieve something today that you will be proud of? What will that be"?
Examples: If she is good in maths, give her a puzzle that’s more than challenging, if good at singing, give a singing challenge, if good at tennis, ask for a rate of consistency that’s difficult to achieve, if superb in writing, give a tough writing assignment and so on. Typically we do not mind being challenged on what we can do best and the spur to achieve only makes our strengths stronger.

ACKNOWLEDGE each strength as it develops. Use terms or labels to reinforce, encourage and praise. Seek also that the child acknowledges these strengths in him. It builds self belief. Try: "What did you achieve today that you are proud of? What have you done today that you would like to acknowledge yourself for"?
It is also a good idea to keep a record of one’s strength. A kind of resume which not only talks of the strengths of the child but also lists instances which illustrate the strengths.

Even when the strength is not conspicuous, ACT as if it is there. Our own resources are of magical proportions – cunningly hidden – we need to believe that there is rabbit in the hat only then we would put the hand inside to pull it out – much to our astonishment. Much of discovery of potential is the process of a parent believing in some resource being there and then going ahead giving child a chance to dig it out.
I have experienced this many times: When you come to the edge of cliff and you close you eyes and take a leap, you realize you can fly!

This process of Act, Apply, Achieve, Acknowledge and Act is a virtuous cycle – to be weaved into the daily tapestry of life. The more we let our child enjoy her strengths, the more the child starts enjoying life!

A man came to a monk and asked, “What is the meaning of life?” The monk picked up two cherries and gave one to the visitor and started eating one himself. The visitor remarked, “The cherry has too large a seed and little pulp”.
The monk replied quietly, “The meaning of life is not to lament the pit, but to enjoy the fruit.”

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

For further details on the same, including payment options - please email to info@geniekids.com with subject as "one-to-one"

All copyrights reserved by GenieKids.
Reproduction of any part or whole of our articles (only flatters us!) can be only done with due credit given to GenieKids with link to our website www.geniekids.com