Myths of Confidence - 9
A knigh of great valor once stopped by a monastery. Boasting of his fighting and self defense skills, he claimed, "No one in this part of world can hurt me." The head monk, who had been all this while listening to the knight, said, in a scornful tone, "What a stupid guy". Immediately the knight drew his sword, "How dare you?” The Zen master smiled and said, "See, you are already hurt".
The moot question here is, "Why do we get (so easily) hurt?
And further, "Why do we often lack confidence in doing something? Why our own expectations and ensuing anxiety of "failing" diminishes our abilities to naught?
The answer lies in this myth - "We should have a strong self image"
Millions of people, (specially fueled by advertising) are running to close to gap between what we are, and what we should be or to be more precise what people should see us as!
The problem in this "catching the mirage" is inherent and closely related to self confidence. One can't be much confident if one's self is quite different from the image one pursues.
I was quite disturbed many years back when a very intelligent and diligent friend of mine refused to sit for
I used to think that a large portion of this image formation happens in middle and high school, when peer comparison, performance expectations and clichéd success definitions become omnipresent. Unfortunately, I recently met a father of 2.5 year old with equal concerns.
At GenieKids, we believe, that a desirable self image and too much of result orientation becomes a huge mental block towards gaining and building confidence.
Conversely, self-acceptance and enjoyment of efforts (not results) leads to more trail and consequently more confidence.
Incidentally, this also leads to a more relaxed and happy mind.
A young lad sat straight at the barber's high chair. The barber asked, "Who do you want to look like?"
Confused with the question the child answered, quite obviously, "Me!
The barber tried again, "Whose kind of style do you want". The child's answer was quite matter of fact, "Mine"
The barber persisted, "What kind of hair do you want?” The child said clearly, "I already have hair, just cut it.
The barber tried one last time, "But what kind of look do you want me to give you". The child thought for a moment and replied, "The kind that suits me"
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Self Confidence
I have a friend very talented in music, sports, communication, strategic planning. Every time we meet he is says I would have loved to host a TV show or record music or paint or start a restaurant. Is very successful in what he is doing but always regrets of not able to do what he loves to do. I feel sad how can a person so talented and who was awarded Sports man of the year in school, does not go ahead and enjoy what he loves to do. Every time when I ask him to do something, he would say that its better not to do anything then to do nonsense. I sometimes think how can I make him think that due to fear of going wrong, how much fun we miss in life.
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