If I Decide, I Abide

The best person to drive a car is the driver. If we are going to push the car from outside, will it help? It may either go in the wrong direction. Or the driver might get used to you pushing the car around. Or finally you might be pushing while the driver has applied brakes!

Isn’t the best way to drive a car is to leave the job to the driver? And the only time we need to push the car from outside is when the driver asks us to.

Self-discipline stems from internal motivation or own reasons for doing so. Conversely, our regular way of disciplining believes in telling them and telling them and telling them what to do and wonder why they don't understand and obey!

Suppose you child doesn't brush her teeth at night: Instead of telling her, ask her for her own reason(s) to brush:
"Why do you think each one us should do brushing every night?
"To keep them clean."
"What would happen if we do not brush?"
"They will look dirty."
"How will dirty teeth effect us?"
"They will pain or fall off"
One, lets not try to correct them if their reasoning is not correct.
It doesn't matter at this moment, if the reasoning is logically leading to desired action.
Two, and this is the TRICK - leave them to conclude for themselves - do not spoil the effect by saying "So now you know why you should brush.
(Isn't that obvious). Not that they have reasoned THEMSELVES eventually they will take appropriate action.
Three, if the child is not old enough to know the reasons, now that you have raised their curiosity, it’s a great opportunity to ask more questions to enhance their knowledge." Do you want to know what your teeth say to each other if you brush them?"
"Yes papa". Now that they are all ears - time to talk!
(Follow this up with a funny little enacting of teeth conversing) Give the child his own reasons to do something and the child wants to do it. The amazingly simple way to do this is by questioning him for these reasons.
Another example: A child (7yrs) had broken a hanging nameplate in Geniekids center. I asked him "Why have we put these name plates"
"So the place looks nice."
"What will happen if they get broken?"
"You will have to make another one"
"How can you help me in this situation?"
"I can make one for you."
"How else?"
"Maybe I should not break them only"
"How would you do that"
"By not fighting with him (friend)"
The End.
We have an intense desire to tell children what we think is right or wrong. But non-blaming questioning ensures that children decide which of their action is good or bad. And when they decide, they abide! Questioning is undoubtedly the best way for children to learn through their own reasoning. Ensure your questions (and your tone) are friendly and inquisitive, not intrusive. And definitely let’s not end up answering the questions yourself.
Companies world over are spending billions training their management to be leaders not managers:
Managing means compliance: giving orders, telling, and having all the responsibilities as well as all the answers.
Leadership means commitment: internal motivation, transfer of responsibility and ownership and self-discipline! So what are you at home – a manager or a leader?  

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

If you need one to one guidance on anything related to your child(ren) - we offer the same through:
1) Email or chat or voice services like skype. This costs you Rs800/- - one time fee - and unlimited sessions/ emails related to your problems for a maximum period of six months.
2) If you are in Bangalore,India - guidance in person, at our center. This costs you Rs800/- - one time fee - and unlimited sessions related to your problems for a maximum period of six months. For further details on the same, including payment options - please email to info@geniekids.com with subject as "one-to-one"

All copyrights reserved by GenieKids. Reproduction of any part or whole of our articles (only flatters us!) can be only done with due credit given to GenieKids with link to our website www.geniekids.com