Fly, Let them Fly
All parents want their child to become more intelligent, better thinkers and
independent. However many parents do not allow their children to become
more intelligent, better thinker and independent!
If you want to know, just fly a kite or watch a skillful kite flyer:
Yes, the kite needs impetus from the flyer to take off. Initially the flyer gives
the kite the right tugs. From there on the flyer leaves the kite alone, gently
guiding it. The more it lets the string go, the higher the kite flies.
And soon it does not require any more control from the flyer; it soars on it own.
All you need to do is keep an eye on it. Guide it if it goes astray. But more
importantly, how high the kite goes, depends on how long a string are you letting go?
What is this string? Is it patience, or maybe responsibility? Maybe both.
Or do some of us look at is as control. Yes, we can control the kite, but is it
necessary? Isn’t that funny, the same string can be used for control or for
transfer of responsibility.
If the string has a tendency of breaking, should we replace it with a stronger
control, or a stronger bond?
A lot of kites fly shakily when close to the ground. A patient flyer knows,
that once properly airborne, it will fly calmly and smoothly. Should we remorse
about the ‘wonderful’ wind yesterday or should we just let the kite learn how to
survive and fly high in today’s wind.
Somehow many of us parents think that one of our major tasks is to TEACH our
children? We feel that we are full of vital information and wisdom and experience
that it’s essential they know. We yearn to fill the urn.
But mind is not a vessel to be filled, but a very fertile soil, all which needs is tilling
and turning and weeding. And patience for it to put on its flower show!
Answer this: Have you ever thought of a question without thinking of possible
answers? In which case if the child asks a question, hasn’t the child already
thought of some possible answers? Are those thoughts more valuable then
your WISE answer?
If a child asks you, “why are traffic lights red” do you normally respond by
answering the question? Or do you ask the child, “what do you think?”
When a child rues, “My shirt has so many yellow stains” do you answer pat,
“Have you seen yourself eating?” Or do you ask the child, “How did that happen”?
If your child is not able to open a packet of chips, do you help her out or do you
say “Figure out a way how to do it”. If a child can’t solve a problem, do you solve
the problem for him or do you ask him to try another way of solving”
Is your parenting about telling the child what to do or letting the child figure out
what he or she should do? Do you do the thinking for your child, or you let the
child think on his or her own?
This talisman is so simple, yet drowned in our habit we all too often ANSWER or
TELL. We are actually robbing from our children opportunities to think, to solve,
to do, and to become independent. Next time your child is unable to do something or
is puzzled over something or is troubled with something; check out who is doing
the thinking, you or your child?
Do you fly the kite, or do you let the kite fly? Is there just a subtle difference or
is later a complete developmental strategy?
While you muse over these questions, watch for the sequel issue next week.
By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com
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