Motivating without Motivating

“I like logic and reasoning, but I prefer a gun”
(From the movie – The Godfather)
So much for external motivation! And that is precisely how it works. And as most
parents will vouch, soon the gun runs out of effective bullets.

Please answer few questions:
1. Will you get on a train that you don’t know where its going?
Will you do something that you have no idea why you should do?

2. Will you do something that is totally uninteresting? Something which looks,
sounds, feels boring, specially of it doesn’t appear very essential?

3. How would you like to do something when you do not have any say in how
you do, when you do, how much time to take and what to do?

4. How would you like to do something when you are not going to feel good
about it at the end or when nobody really cares to appreciate your efforts
(no matter what results)?

Since No is an answer to almost all of above, isn’t it surprising why external
motivation does rarely work. Surprising then that we still believe that motivation
is something we can do to others!

If the horse isn't thirsty what is the point of pushing it to the water hole? There is
only one kind of motivation and that is the one initiated by SELF. Let’s accept
we cannot motivate others and that internal motivation is the only motivation
that can work.

Hence, the best way of motivating children is by not trying to motivate them.
What we can and need to do is provide an environment that will make them feel
motivated from inside. Here is how:

1. Set/ Clarify Goals
If I am clear why I am doing something, what I am going to achieve by doing
something, them I am actually ready to do it. Even a two year old child when
he sits with building blocks has some goal in his mind – this is how and what
I want to do with blocks today.

We need to help clarify the purpose behind something, help them set goals for
themselves. Not only this helps in planning the task, not only it is a great life skill,
but it also makes their mind focus on the task, help understand its relevance.

2. Make it Fun
If you can, make the task interesting. Remember how “Tom Sawyer” got the
whole wall white washed. Play their favorite songs while doing homework,
make environment light and fun, change clothes standing on one leg, eat food
with two spoons, the list is endless, best left to your ingenuity.
Join in the fun if you can.

3. Offer choice, delegate decision-making:
Deciding to want something is in itself a great motivator. First prepare yourself
to give them choice. Then help them in developing a decision-making strategy.
Many parents give children the freedom to choose, but forgets to teach them how
to decide. For example, a child might have to decide when to do homework.
Here is one such decision making approach (step two is key to the process):

Step1: List alternatives. {Alternatives could be to do now,
to do after play, to do after TV, to do after dinner}.

Step 2: Imagine each alternative. Now visualize each alternative and its result.
Live it now. Just notice at this point, don’t decide yet. {Child needs to imagine
himself doing homework at each of these timings and notice what the child
sees, feels, hears}.

Step 3: Imagine each again and this time feel “about” each alternative. {The child
needs to imagine each scenario - what positives of each, what negatives of each}.

Step 4: The child chooses the one that “feels” the best. {This is important step -
as we parents need to honor the child's decision and be patient in letting the
child experience the consequences}

4. Reward
Research after research it has been proved that most people get motivated
if they know that they will and they get sincere, specific, sensitive and immediate
praise and encouragement.

Sometimes we focus too much on results and forget the process. So remember
to praise something specific about the efforts the child went through even if the
result is disappointing. Lovely label your child, always!

If you gonna push my car from outside, well I will go somewhere, but I will only
drive when I am being pushed. If you show me the lovely places, tell me why I
should go there, tell me the different routes, gimme a car that is fun to
drive and wherever I go buck me up - then I can go places, ON MY OWN.

No sir, we are not talking motivation, we are talking inspiration! And let’s
remember, “Striving for excellence motivates; striving for perfection de-motivates”

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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