Not to Reason WHY!

Why you were late? Because I ...
Why you did not eat? Because I...
Why you marks are so low? Because I...
Why is the room dirty? Because I...

No sooner you ask a WHY question; I am ready with an EXPLANATION or an
EXCUSE. Genuine or cooked up, does WHY serve any purpose? It doesn't help
the questioner, as you only get some information, not a change in behavior.
It doesn't help the questioned, as he has already explained and even feels
that it is justified.

Suppose you child stains his shirt usually while eating and you asked, "Why
can't you eat properly"?

First, WHY works as a reprimand. Either he resists (says little sis was
pushing the chair) or feels terrible about himself. Either way, do you think
this question will ever make him improve his eating habit?
Second, WHY focuses on our past. Makes us look behind us. It makes us look
at our mistakes and shortcomings and weaknesses. Either we cover through
excuses or explanations or just feel ashamed of ourselves. Persist with the
WHY questions and you get a meek half-hearted "will try to improve" or "will
not do it again".

WHY is the rear view mirror of a vehicle. Imagine driving using the rear
view mirror. WHY makes us simply look back and condemn ourselves. It
questions us, our ability, our intentions, and our results. WHY questions
are simply too NEGATIVE.

Most unfortunately, so early in our life we learn the WHY QUESTIONING.
Then for the rest of our life we keep asking ourselves "Why am I like this?
Why can’t I do things properly? Why is that person behaving like this? Why
do I have to suffer? Why can’t I be rich? Why is the room so hot? Why is the
world so bad? Why is she not helping me? ... Endless negatives, which only
beget more negative thoughts!

The solution is disarmingly simple. Simply focus ahead. Simply assume that
we have the ability, resourcefulness and intention of moving forward, of achieving.
Simply ask HOW!!!!!

How can you come on time?
How can you eat a full meal?
How can you score better in test?
How can you >keep you room clean?
How can you eat properly, neatly?

The beauty of HOW: It changes the focus to future. It talks about the next
time. It is positive.

HOW also implies possibilities. No sooner I ask you HOW, you are forced to
think of alternatives.

You mind has already got into "I can try this, or I can try that". Instead of regretting your mistake, you are already analyzing it for future productive action. How also gives the questioner opportunity to suggest alternatives. How also communicates that you are capable, sincerely accepts your intentions and encourages you to move ahead. How releases the immense forward energy we naturally have. Isn't it easier to run forward then backwards?

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com

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