No 1 Parenting Tool

Whenever you think, do you think in terms of questions or in terms of statements?
Have you ever asked a question without first thinking for possible answers?
When somebody tells you something, its possible to ignore it.
But when somebody asks you a question, can your mind ignore thinking about it?
Why is this so?

Ladies and Gentleman, Mothers and Fathers, presenting the ultimate panacea,
the ultimate disciplining, learning and teaching tool, an amazing language that
leads to higher intelligence. A language common to all great thinkers and leaders,
from Socrates to Einstein.

Chuck out the useless “T” language – tell them, tell them, tell them, and then
wonder why they don’t get it! Tune in the new “Q” language – ask them,
let them ponder, decide, answer and you would wonder why you didn’t do more
of this before.

Child doesn’t go to sleep easily: Try asking questions, “Why do you think it’s
important to take a nap? How will you benefit from a good sleep? What can you
(or I) do so that you can sleep easily?”

Child doesn’t wash hands before eating: Try Asking questions, “Why do you
think we should wash hands before eating? How will this help you? Do we need
to wash it everyday? Why?”

Child insists on watching too much TV: Try asking questions, “What do you
want to become in life? How will you become that? What all you need to do for that?
How much will TV help in that? What else you need to do that will help you?”

Child gets low marks in a test: Try asking questions, “What areas of your
performance are you most pleased with? In what ways are you looking forward to
enhancing your performance during the next test or month or year? What kind of
help you need?”

Child plays with dangerous things - plug points, knifes, glass items etc: Try
asking questions, "Why do we prohibit you from playing with this? In what way
can these things hurt you? Have you seen anybody getting hurt by these?
By what age will you be able to use it?"

Child doesn’t do homework on time: Try asking questions, “How can we
make homework interesting? What will happen/ what all we can do, if we finish
homework fast? Why is homework important? How will this homework help you?

Child doesn’t understand a portion: Try asking questions, "What have you
understood? What does it look similar to, different from? Which part was easy
for you to get? Will you like to understand this yourself? Are you sure you
need (my) help?"

Obviously rhetorical questions like "who did this?" "Why can't you improve?",
"how can you get marks like this" are too negative to yield any results.

We are talking of questions that make the child think. Hence we need to take
judgment out of questions, make them non- threatening, and make them positive.
The idea is not to judge the child's knowledge or intelligence by the answer.
The idea is to let the intelligence and knowledge grow by self-exploration.

Why questions are so magical in disciplining, in learning, in developing
overall intelligence?

1. They make children think.
2. The children own the answers – so they may follow it though (The answers
   may not match with your expectations, but still they are their answers). Be
   careful not to immediately correct them. Let this discovery be their own. It’s best
   when they realize and come and tell you “You know mummy you were right
   or I was wrong etc.
3. Questions mean possibilities, choices and that is much more interesting
   then commands!
4.  Questions help clear conflicts by giving the child a voice of his or her own.
   It thrills them that they are heard.
5. They not only own the choice, they own the consequence.
6. They learn to think creatively, values take ground, concepts get clear.
7. Questions don’t focus on mistakes; they look forward, not backwards.
   (You have to avoid “Why” questions – see Newsletter no.14 - Dated: 21st June 01)
8. Any thinking they do, further stimulates the brain to think, to become alive.
   That is a good feeling, which usually multiplies.
9.  It makes them teller, and you listener.
10. IT IS SO SIMPLE TO DO.

Under "Genie Worth-it" below we provide a string of questions that can actually
change the whole atmosphere (and your relationship) in your home. Try them.

Also when the child finally answers the question by “I don’t know’ – chances are
the child has opened a window for you to provide an answer. Let’s not be greedy
here – so keep the answer short

A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place
but a seed to be planted and to bear more seeds toward the hope of greening
the landscape of mind.” (John Ciardi) 

By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur

For www.geniekids.com

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