Is it Necessary to Punish Children?
Is it necessary to Punish Children? Common answers parents give are:
"If you don't punish they will get away with anything."
"If you don't punish how will they ever learn what is right and what is wrong"
"I think it is the most effective learning tool."
And this is the big one:
"I punish because this is the only language he understands."
For a moment switch roles. Remember your own childhood when you were punished - by your parents, teacher etc. How did you feel? What were your thoughts? Pause here to reminisce.
Most of my own memories of punishment are either of rebellion, hatred, unfairness, angst, or extreme shame, unworthiness, inferiority, guilt or self-pity. I do not remember any positive feelings. In fact I even remember thinking - next time I will not get caught.
As physiologist Dr Albert Bendura says: Punishment can control misbehavior, but by itself will not teach desirable behavior or even reduce the desire to misbehave.
But you might still say, "That's all right, but we do need punishment, don't we? We need a final method of control, don't we? WE need a last resort? Don't some acts have to be punished?
Some thoughts:
1. In a caring relationship, there is NO place for punishment.
2. The problem with last resort thought is that the last resort comes too soon, even before we have tried other more effective methods.
3. What will happen if there was no last resort - will you look for more alternates - then why not do that now!
4. Punishment is often completely unrelated to the behavior. A slap is not related to behavior of purposefully spitting mouthful of food.
As Eric Jensen puts it, "Children need to know that they are still good people; it's their behavior that is unacceptable. Children need to know what the boundaries are - a definite framework for acceptable behavior."
But all this has to be done giving due dignity and respect to the child.
First we need to believe that misbehavior is not a necessity to punish, but an opportunity to learn.
We need to realize that it is the misbehaving child that needs our love most!
By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com
For www.geniekids.com
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Punishment or no punishment
Ofcourse punishing is essential but the nature of punishment should be correct.Your punishing style shouldn't be a reflection of your personal furiousness towards your child's doing but showing your little one where he went wrong, making him explore the right side and its vitality in life. Punishment should be such that the child instead of getting defiant and rebuking against his parents for punishing him, should be able to see the reason behind this act and respect it. Thus, physical or emotional punishment is a big NO and at no point should the child feel lonely or apart from his own family or feel unwanted.
These are some of the things that most of the parents forget to ensure and end up having their child extremely stubborn and strong-headed with a one-track mind.
Thanks,
Nupur.
Punishment & reward
Punishing is a way to make a child conform to an "orderly" way of living that suppresses the natural flow of consciousness. Order is stagnation. The flow of consciousness must never be stopped by violence. Else, a memory of that violent reversal will sink to the depths of consciousness, thereby influencing all actions from childhood, continuing through the teen years and beyond - to adulthood. By altering the seed now, you are altering the characteristics of generations of trees to come later.
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