What’s Inside Is What Motivates
Those of you who read Calvin & Hobbes (comic strip by Bill Whatson) will recollect the series when Calvin produces various clones of himself (comic strip by Bill Whatson). The idea being that the duplicate will perform all the menial and uninteresting functions of life (like studying, cleaning etc) while he enjoys life. Irony strikes, as each duplicate wants to enjoy himself and has exactly the same expectations and characteristics as Calvin.
Somewhere, we as parents, also have expectations of children becoming clones of ourselves - doing, liking and growing up as people with similar interests and beliefs. More importantly we expect children to do things that we think are important.
I remember another story from "The Chicken Soup" series, where the father takes child to a hill to watch a firework display, while the child is more interested in rolling on the hill. Once the father realizes what is important to the child, he has a great time rolling down the hill with the child.
If you frequently complain that your child is not motivated enough, then possibly the child is simply motivated in "something else" rather then being "Motivation Deficient". If only we could come out of our "this-is-important-for-my-child" and start looking for "what-my-child-finds-interesting", we would enable a more rewarding childhood to our children.
Check if you frequently use praise, rewards, threats and even bribes to manipulate the child's interests. Is he joining piano classes because he wants to or because you want him to learn it? Is she cooking because she likes to or you want her to?
The idea is not to pamper to all the child's needs, but to sensitively discover what interests the child and channelize your and the child's energies in that direction. It could be anything - from lizards to role play, from cooking to opening gadgets, from listening to music to collecting rocks and bugs, from reading books to gazing at stars and thousand other things.
The best way to discover your child's interests is to observe him during times when no one is telling him what to do. How does she spend her free time? What are the things that fill him with enthusiasm, excitement, interest and passion? What does he prefer even over TV? What are the activities that most absorb his energies and attention?
Once you have discovered what the interests are, work delicately to help fan the flames of interest by providing resources that can help draw out, extend and even use to learn about other things. If he is interested in nature buy him binoculars, camera, books on nature and provide opportunities to go out and observe. If she is interested in makeup and jewelry - provide her with lot of artificial jewelry, material from which she can make jewelry, books on jewelry from around the world, material for different kinds of make up etc.
It’s important not to overwhelm a child's interest with too much adult "help" and interference. We need to guide them ONLY when they need it - and sure enough they will ask for it.
Perhaps a parent’s role is to - Expose and liberate: Let them preview all the wonderful things that life has to offer, then let them choose and pursue it while we sit back and enjoy
By Ratnesh & Aditi Mathur
For www.geniekids.com
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