Beliefs - change in me

Our actions are based on ASSUMPTIONS

Suppose you were to hold a strip of paper between your finger and blow on top of paper - what will happen?

What were your thoughts when you first read this? What were your assumptions? Now go ahead and try? - how many ways did you try?  Why you did or did not try? What does this tell about our thinking and about how we behaved?

If you think by blowing on the paper the paper will be pushed down - then you are invited to try this out.

It is so. It is not so. And both are true.

Beliefs are roots to all behavior - hence to be effective in behavior - we need to work on beliefs first - OURS ! To see the opposite point of view we need to try it out - experiment. Equally important is to realize that beliefs get passed on to children.

What comes out in the bucket depends on whats inside the well.

How Beliefs effects our behavior and even our life.
What you think "you cannot do" - you are not capable of - write few
Make sure your "I can'ts" are actually - I can’ts - not the I do not like or want. There is difference between I do not want and I cannot (eg: "I cannot lie" is actually "I do not want to lie" - because the capability to lie is there :-)
'I can't drive', 'I can't teach maths', 'I can't do sea surfing' are actual I can'ts.)

How your life will change if you could……………

Who is stopping you from doing any of your I can'ts. Is it your belief? - which is based on your experience and assumption. Who is responsible for that Belief ?
What results you could get if you were to change that belief.

Now read this "with some children punishment has to be used". Or "Maths is a difficult subject" - True or False

Now for a moment assume that it was totally false (that is if you were to beleive that "Punishment is NOT required by ANY child) - 
For a moment think that you have come in a fairy land where "PUNISHMENT" does not exist but still you have to get the children to behave properly, or motivate them to do work. How will that change your thinking and resultant behavior. Would you look for another way of correcting the child's behavior? How will you now respond to a child in that situation? What will you do to align to the new belief? How will that give a different you and a different environment to the child?

What is working behind "punishing" the child. The BELIEF that "they will learn when you punish them"


Some children put some cow dung on an old man's moustache while he was sleeping. When he woke up - he went around - room to room - claiming that the whole house and even the whole world was stinking!

Our beliefs are within us while we claim that "children" do not behave properly.

Is the grass greener on the other side - how will you know? is it about right or wrong or about looking at things in different ways and then figuring out which is more effective? Till you look at the other point of view how will you know your point of view

Remember the
MAP is not the territory
The MENU is not the dish
The PICTURE is not the person
The PERCEPTION is not the reality

Map, picture, Menu card are just representation of something.
we make our own opinion about place, people etc etc…………belief drives behavior. The behavior is the plant and the Belief is the root. Our beliefs (roots) are nourishing the plant (behavior).

Beliefs are based on experience . Beliefs can be changed . Beliefs are not “wrong” or “Right” . Beliefs nourishes the Behaviour. Assumptions leads to Beliefs – negative or positive. Being aware of beliefs open up the avenues. The beliefs CHANGE - we form our beliefs based on different experience - but that does not mean that’s the reality

How assumptions form BELIEFS. - Negative
A girl heard her mother saying to her neighbor "my daughter did not scores well in maths" the neighbor said "yeh girls find maths tough". The girl heard and ALL her life she believed "Maths is tough for girls".  And many of us can relate to similar beliefs which we formed early in the childhood.
I can't draw well, I am not creative, I cannot write properly, I am not confident, I am not good enough and so on......

How do we form beliefs?
Suppose in my class there is a girl called Kirti:
I observe something- Kirti is shuffling in her seat.
I "select" data from what I see - Twice when I turn I saw her shuffling.
I make assumptions based on the selected data - Kirti is not concentrating or is not interested.
I draw conclusions. - Kirti will not do well in exam or will not learn much - Kirti is will not understand.
I take action  - Change Kiti’s seat or Give her more homework.
 I form the belief about KIrti "she is restless child". All my future action will carry the belief about Kirti and I fail to look beyond "restless".
In fact every act oif restlessness by Kirti will only make my belief stronger!

While for all i know it was just that Kirti's skirt was not proper or the chair was shaky or something was itching her :(

How assumptions form BELIEFS. - Positive
Story of Raju
I observe something- Raju came running and said good morning
I "select" data from what I see -Raju comes running for the class
I make assumptions based on the meanings - Raju is very keen on learning 
I draw conclusions. - It will be fun working with Raju
I Give Raju more chances  Enthusiastic children do well in studies  
I form the belief about RAju "he is GOOD" boy. And I expect "MORE" from him.

Instead of forming beliefs based on some assumptions/ experiences suppose i work with kids with open mind - when one is free of all beliefs, then the options are   infinite and this gets passed onto kids - that is the key to be effective teacher - we are then ready to see their point of view – we are ready to see them in a different view and we are also able to see ourselves with a different view. *

Three things to do to ensure that we DO NOT form limiting beliefs
Reflection: Check my assumptions (is Kirti really restless or am i assuming)
Consciousness : Aware of my thinking and reasoning (I seem to be forming some beliefs about kirti. I seem to be basing my actions on some beliefs about kirti))
Inquiry: Question into other’s thinking (Go and ask Kirti "You seem to be restless. Is everything okay?")

How to break beliefs - and help kids to break their behavior.

Let us take the belief which kids form and express - how can you break those beliefs - by Question into other’s thinking

“Kids don’t get to have fun” - Ask Specific - What makes you think that? What is fun for you? What is not fun for you? - Let the child realize that just one or two experience does not mean it becomes Truth.

 “Nobody pays attention to me” - ;; - Exaggerate - Nobody, not even one person - not even one Ant - Let the child realize that one or two people does not constitute everybody.

“I can’t climb this” - Remind Contradictory Experience - How did you jumped from five steps? How did you learn to make flying aeroplane? Let the child realize that he has capacity - just one or two failure doe not make him a failure.

"My mother hates me "- Break related thoughts - Child may just be thinking 'mother didn't allow me to eat chocolate' and mother gave sister the balloon first' - So put together she hates me. What we need to do is to help the child realize that these are two unrelated occurrences and hence lead to no conclusions. The questions we ask is -  "what all makes you conclude like that". Followed by - how are these two thoughts related? You can also remind the child of how mother has done XYZ which is contradictory - i.e. which shows she loves you.

"Maths is tough"  -  Injunctions - "As you do your exercise you will realise that its quite easy and you are finding it fun. (in injunctions, we slip in a positive belief in our normal communication with children.

Affirmations - "You are good at Maths" (in affirmation we say upfront what we want the child to believe - we say it in a positive way and as if it is already present)

When you work with kids with open mind - when one is free of all beliefs, then the options are   infinite and this gets passed onto kids - that is the key to be effective teacher - we are then ready to see their point of view – we are ready to see them in a different view and we are also able to see ourselves with a different view. *